There's beauty in the breakdown

...that's a line from an old Dido song.  I don't really care for the song, but there's just something about that line, it's burned into my soul.  I've been seeing some beautiful things in the midst of my own "breakdown" here in Costa Rica.  As the layers are slowly pulled away, and scabs on old scars are scratched until they bleed, there is something beautiful in the rawness underneath.  There's something ugly there too.

You know how some decisions you make and you aren't really sure why, but it just seems to carry some weight.  It could be going to the grocery store at a certain time, or choosing chicken instead of fish.  An everyday decision that comes to carry with it something important, something of consequence.

Last Saturday I had a sleepover with some of the other girls on Vida Joven staff.  It was SO fun!  We watched the first soccer game held in the newly completed national stadium here in Costa Rica, then a very interesting comedy (in Spanish!), and then I was off to bed early because I had decided to skip the morning activities on Sunday to go to church with my friend Sunshine.  We just started going to a new church here in search of the elusive 20-somethings Christian community here.

I'm SO GLAD I chose to go to church last Sunday...to get up early, take a bus from the other side of town to downtown to catch a bus to my side of town to meet my friend and get in a taxi to arrive for the Sunday a.m. service. Why?

Because there's beauty in the breakdown.  There's a problem in our world--a Big One--and it's ruining lives, marriages, families.  It's not new.  It's not specific to a certain culture or gender.  It's a characteristic of the human experience--the breakdown of relationships, the failing of relationships.  Friendships, dating relationships, marriages, families.

I thought it odd that the senior pastor, Ricardo, of the biggest of a chain of churches here called Vida Abundante (Abundant Life) had come to one of the smaller churches in the chain.  (Ricardo is the pastor of Vida Abundante in Coronado and I just started attending Vida Abundante del Este.)  Ricardo was missing being with his congregation of 5,000+ to visit ours of 500+.  He opened with, "Es un dia muy dificil para la iglesia."  It's a very hard day for the church.  Immediately your heart beats quicker, waiting, anticipating the bad news.

The senior pastor, Carlos, of this church I had just started attending had committed a "grave moral error" and had resigned his position.

A grave moral error.  By way of the apologies that followed from Carlos to his family, to the church, one can imagine what the grave moral error was that prompted his daughter to tell him, "You have failed as a man.  But not as a dad."  Broken relationships, broken marriage, broken family, broken church.  Carlos choked his way through the apology then Ricardo returned to give the message.

He spoke of our identity in Christ.  He said we must first have an accurate picture, perception of Christ before we can have an accurate picture, perception of ourselves.  His message was full of truth, full of grace, and full of hope.  Then he played a song with the lyrics, "Saname..."  Cleanse me, heal me.  And then he asked the church to get on their knees before God and ask Him to heal the church, to restore and heal Carlos and his family.

I haven't seen a more beautiful picture of undeserved, unconditional love and true, unrelenting grace in quite some time.  THIS is how the church responds to brokenness, THIS is the BEAUTY of God and redemption and hope for the future.  Tears fell from my eyes as I witnessed brokenness and ashes being turned into and traded for beauty.  

It was a practical and overwhelming representation of what God is doing in MY life.  Of the stories He is putting in front of me of heartache, of tragedy, of unspeakable loss, of overwhelming failure, of the frailty of humanity.  And how in each tear, in each piece of a broken heart, in each shard of glass shattered in anger, God can turn it into something so beautiful, so new, so whole that you have to stand in awe, fall before His feet, and know that it is the most real thing you've ever seen or experienced.

There IS beauty in the breakdown.  There IS hope in tragedy and failure.  There IS comfort for unspeakable pain. And there IS hope for change and a new tomorrow.

"I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, 
the poison I've swallowed. 
I remember it well--oh, how well I remember--
the feeling of hitting the bottom.  
But there's one thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:  
God's loyal love couldn't have run out, 
His merciful love couldn't have dried up.  
They're created new every morning!  How great your faithfulness!  

I'm sticking with God.  (I say it over and over.)  He's all I've got left."

-Lamentations 19-24 (MSG)

How much fun can you have with a bean bag??!!

What a busy month it's been!  But full of fun and rewarding things!  First off, let me tell you about a few things we've been doing with Young Life....then stay tuned for some more updates soon. 


The last few Young Life's have ben full of fun, adventure, some new faces and a lot of great conversations, opportunities for growth with kids.


We had Bean Bag O'Rama...a highlight of our spring semester....a few weeks ago.  Two teams split up (girls v. boys) to complete the ultimate photo scavenger hunt around the town of Escazu in one hour.  Some of the more hilarious items included:  steal a kid who has never been to Young Life before and bring them back with you, take a picture with a live chicken, take a picture with a sushi chef, take a picture with all of your team's feet in a pool!


The girls' team stole Nick, a kid who has only been here in Costa Rica for a few months, and brought him back to club.  Nick goes to an international school here that is mostly Tico and all the guys speak Spanish most of the time. It's been really rough on him trying to learn the language, adjust to a new culture, and make friends.  Nick has been back to ever club since then and is loving his new friends in Young Life!


Here's what one of our guys had to say about the night:


"From stepping on hobos to singing the a,b,c's to jumping over tennis fences. That brown bean bag has seen it ALL! We all laughed till it hurt, almost got hit by bus and had the most random AWESOME time of our lives. Two things we should of taken photos of: The hobo sleeping next to a fire hydrant, and the peoples faces when they saw us run around with a bean bag. Oh younglife we wouldnt have you any diffrent. :)"


I love watching kids love life together...having good, clean fun...and at the end of it all hearing an awesome message like the one Josh gave that night about how Jesus is more powerful than we could ever imagine and that He has the power to change our lives if we will let Him.


Then this past week we had YL Broomball:  a game with brooms and a small styrofoam ball.  The kids played til they broke more than one broom and collapsed in exhaustion and laughter!  For me, the best thing was not playing the game, but hanging out on the sidelines with four girls who weren't up for the challenge.  Three of the girls are regular club girls and the other is a fair-weathered friend who we haven't seen in a few months.  But what GREAT conversations I had with the girls...everything from body image, taste in music, Jonas Brothers v. Justin Beiber, to what they are struggling with in life.  


This is the stuff Young Life is made of and why I love being here in Costa Rica!!  The YL tagline is "You were made for this" and I wholeheartedly believe that through fun, adventure, deep relationships and sharing truth and hope with teens here in Costa Rica we are helping them discover what they were made for!


Here's some pics from Bean Bag O'Rama!


Below:  The girls' team and the fine folks of the Escazu police department!

Left:  Girls with Nick, our new friend.

Left:  Me, Roxanne, Paola, and Rosalie.  Roxanne and Rosalie are twin girls who came with their older sister, Maude.  Roxanne and Rosalie are not regular club attenders, but came out for Bean Bag O'Rama.  Our goal with events like this is to bring kids who have never been to club or don't come regularly. Please be praying for these new faces!!

February newsletter, pictures and more!

Hmm...I've realized that title is a bit of a tease because I'm not actually going to give you **here** my February newsletter or more pictures.  BUT I am going to re-direct you!  For a copy of my newsletter, email me at ali.c.campbell@gmail.com.  (I rarely post newsletters here for confidential purposes since I work with youth.)

AND, for pictures from:

• my recent hike up the Tres Cruces/Three Crosses mountain
• a beach weekend at Playa Hermosa
• Wet & Wyld Wyldlife and Young Life training

...please visit my Facebook page.  (See the link bottom right.)

Th-, Th-, Th-- that's all folks!

Facing the ugly stuff

Disclaimer:  Hang in there, it's a long one.  But a good one.

There are a million things I want to share with you at the moment!  (In particular, a recent hike up a mountain...yes, I, Ali Campbell, hiked a mountain :)  But I feel compelled first to share with you something I was reading this morning.  Well, a few things I was reading this morning.  

First, my old trusty, My Utmost For His Highest.  To read today's words of wisdom, go here:  http://utmost.org/.  Today's verse is:

Arise and eat.  -1 Kings 19:5

I found this rather comical because Oswald was talking about seasons of depression today.  No one has to order me to "arise and eat" when I'm depressed...in fact, I excel at it!  The past two weeks I've managed to polish off a medium-sized bag of Peanut M & Ms, a slightly smaller bag of Sour Patch Kids, macaroni & cheese, pizza, and countless Oreos.  It's been Round 2 of rough times in Costa Rica and Round 2 of junk-food/Dawson's Creek escapism.  

Oswald's words were comforting this morning because he reminded me that depression (or sadness, loss, etc.) are part of the human experience.  He writes, "If human beings were not capable of depression, we would have no capacity for happiness and exaltation." Thank goodness!  Has anyone out there ever felt alone in the fight against discouragement, sadness or depression?  It's good to know (1) I'm not alone, and (2) If it weren't for my capacity to feel depressed, I'd also never feel happiness.

Oswald goes on to say something incredible:

When the Spirit of God comes to us, He does not give us glorious visions, but He tells us to do the most ordinary things imaginable. Depression tends to turn us away from the everyday things of God’s creation. But whenever God steps in, His inspiration is to do the most natural, simple things-things we would never have imagined God was in, but as we do them we find Him there.

I don't believe he was telling me to feast on Oreos, but how true is it that when we face a season of depression it is the simple, every-day things where we find God.  For me, I've been finding God each and every time I make the slightest step toward Him.  When I say, God, I can't get through today and more than that I don't want to.  Just for talking to Him, just for sharing my thoughts and feelings, He always surprises me with something sweet--a free sucker at the little store at my school, a message from a YL/WL kid or friend on Facebook, my host mom cooking my favorite dinner, whatever.  AND I SEE HIM IN IT!  These are not coincidences, but God saying...keeping going, one foot in front of the other, just keeping walking toward Me.  

Okay, next I read a sweet devotion by Joni Eareckson Tada called Pearls of Great Price.  Today's devotion is based on 2 Corinthians 12:8-9, which says:

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

She was talking about hardships that hang on, hardships that never go away...no matter how much we pray and plead for God to take them away or heal us.  I've been struggling with some personal weakness lately and wondering why God won't take them away.  I certainly would be able to follow Him better, reflect His goodness and grace better, and share His life and joy with kids better if He would just TAKE THEM AWAY!  Ever tried to barter with God?  Then get frustrated and just yell at him?  Then resign yourself to pleading and begging and crying, just to revisit anger again?

If you don't know anything about Joni Earekson Tada, she suffered a spinal cord injury as a teenager that left her paralyzed in a wheelchair.  I've just read one biography of hers, but from what I gather, she struggled for months and years to come to grips with the fact that she would never walk again, that this was a hardship God wasn't going to remove from her life.  She writes:

The core of God's plan is to rescue us from sin and self-centeredness.  Suffering--especially the chronic kind--is God's choicest tool to accomplish this.  It is a long process.  But it means I can accept my paralysis as a chronic condition.  When I broke my neck, it wasn't a jigsaw puzzle I had to solve fast or a quick jolt to get me back on track.  My paralyzing accident was the beginning of a lengthy process of becoming like Christ.

How easy I forget that learning Spanish, adjusting to Costa Rican culture, making friends in a new community, building relationships with kids and ministry opportunities, and especially, becoming more and more like Christ is a LONG PROCESS.  Jeesh, I've been here 6 months, you'd think I'd have it figured out already!  My own personal struggles/weaknesses and the evil one's voice whisper in my ear:  "You aren't good enough.  You'll never be as good as so-and-so.  You'll keep failing, you'll never be perfect.  It will always be this hard.  Nothing you are doing is making a difference.  It would be better if you left, or if you'd never come.  You disappoint everyone around you, and most of all, God."

What lies!  What awful lies we listen to and we tell ourselves.  The truth is that God meets us where we are, but doesn't leave us there:

And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.  -2 Corinthians 3:18 (MSG)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  -James 1:2-4 (NIV)

Finally, the inspired, and dare I say brilliant, lyrics of Derek Webb from his second album, I See Things Upside Down, and third album, Mockingbird.

"Cause it's been one of those kinds of days, and I feel so out of place...and the whole world is on my case...and I hate everything, everything.  I hate everything, but You."  -I Hate Everything (But You), 

Mockingbird

"Don't paint my face, I need to see the scars so i don't forget, the back of my tutor's arm...I don’t want medication, just give me liberation even if it cuts my legs right out from underneath...I want the real sensation, even when living feels just like death to me."  -Medication, I See Things Upside Down

Today, may you hear wisdom in people like Oswald Chambers and Joni Earekson Tada, truth instead of lies, great and inspiring music...and that you are a work in progress, like me, like everyone.  And in the midst of the struggle, arise and eat (maybe just not a whole bag of peanut M & Ms :)

"Sorpresas" y Bendiciones y Carne bien cocido!

"Surprises" and Blessings and Well-done Meat!  Just wanted to share a bit about our leader retreat this past weekend and a Spanish snafu in class.

This past weekend was the long-awaited, long-anticipated (at least for me) Young Life Spring semester leader retreat to fellowship and plan for this upcoming semester.  I worked for countless hours the last couple of weeks helping to plan the schedule, training sessions, planning sessions, and some logistics.  Don't get me wrong, I had some awesome help from Josh, our intern, and Boo, the Tico guy I work with.  However, Jessie (my supervisor and area director) has been in the States for several weeks for Young Life training and so I felt the weight of the weekend falling on my shoulders.

Like the best laid plans, they sort of crumbled.  Unfortunately, we had some leaders back out at the last minute (and others who couldn't come originally) and so we had FAR fewer numbers than anticipated, which was a little disappointing for a number of reasons.  Not the least of those reasons was I was looking forward to some great team-building time.  But God always has something up His sleeve, and I was blessed more than I can say by those who were able to come.  We were able to not only plan 95% of what needed to be planned, but also have some great time just hanging out.

I laughed a lot.  We played football and watched a movie.  I got some awesome girl talk time in with one of my favorite ladies here.  And we planned 15+ Young Life and WyldLife clubs, among other things.  Score:  1 for God, .5 for Ali (I did manage to get over my disappointment and jump into what GOD had planned for the weekend faster than normal, so I get half a point :)

Okay, on to part 2:  My latest Spanish language snafu.  The task was to answer this question:

"Que esperanza tiene usted?"
"What hope/wish do you have?"

Because of the type of verb we were studying, I was supposed to answer by saying what I would like someone else to do.  Since I go to a Christian language school we talk about God a lot, so I thought I would say that I hope at the end of my life God will say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Now, I know how to say "good job" and "you finished well" in Spanish, but not exactly "well done."  So I looked it up in my Spanish online translator and it said, "Bien cocido."  Now, if I had thought for two seconds, I would have realized this was not the type of "well done" I was looking for, but I was in a hurry to finish the assignment and this was the last question.

As we shared in class, I responded to the question:

"Yo tengo la esperanza de que al final de mi vida Dios me diga, "Bien cocido! Mi serviente fiel."  Basically, "I hope that at the end of my life God will say, "Well-done little steak, my faithful servant."

The Spanish teacher looked at me with a funny face, "I don't understand, bien cocido?"  And I told her I put well done in my translator...and as I'm saying it...I and the rest of the class realize that this type of well done refers to meat, not a job well done!

We laughed for a good five minutes!  How humbling this process of learning a new language is!

Gotta love Nelson Mandela!

I haven't blogged in nearly a month.  For those of you who actually read this blog, please forgive me :)  My goal is to continue updating this blog every 1-2 weeks and I'm going to try my hardest to be consistent in that.  Well, there's so much to talk about--a weekend with one of my awesome college friends, Donna; two weeks in fabulous Westfield, IN over Christmas; 10 days in snowy Atlanta, GA for Young Life training; and now a little over a week back here in good ol' Costa Rica.

So, what's new?  THE SUN!  It was reappeared and it is warm and sunny here. Now this is why I moved here! Haha.

My friend Stacy, who got to travel around the world last year, recently put this quote on her Facebook wall:

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged 

to find the ways in which you yourself have altered. 

-Nelson Mandela

I have always been a big Nelson Mandela fan, but this is one of my favorites!  Now, I didn't spend more than 20 years in jail, just 4 months in Costa Rica, but being home over Christmas definitely took a magnifying glass into the ways in which I've been growing and changing down here in the tropics (which is now actually tropical!) 

Pretty much what sticks out the most is how much more tranquila I have become.  Tranquila is a very popular word that means:  tranquil, relaxed, laid-back, easy-going.  These words could not be used to describe me in the past--always running from activity to activity in high school and college thinking the world might end if I wasn't there.  Then in grad school and during the fundraising process to come here working 2-3 jobs, volunteering with Young Life, volunteering on a Board of Directions for a local sports organization for people in wheelchairs, and who knows what else!

Well, I may have just arrived (or at least further along in the process) of understanding what it means to live in the present, go with the flow, and really enjoy each moment of life (or at the very least live it).  I'd say that's a small victory!  

Alright, more to come soon...a newsletter will show it's face here within a week-10 days! 

Feliz Navidad!

Here's a second "Merry Christmas" video and a bonus snapshot of what it looks like to work with international school kids!

This first video is of our Wyldlife crew at our last club of the semester.  Wyldlife kids are so fun because they LOVE to dress to the theme--this one being Christmas, of course!  We played candy cane hockey, dressed kids as Christmas trees, and had 12 small groups act out the 12 Days of Christmas!  And then at the end my co-worker Jessie invited kids to open the greatest gift ever given--the gift of freedom in a relationship with Jesus.  Here's them telling you "Merry Christmas!"

This second video was at one of my favorite Wyldlife kid, Rylie's, birthday party.  She had one of the coolest middle school birthday parties I've seen, well for a girl anyway :)  She's an awesome dancer and her mom rented out their dance warehouse studio and all her friends got a private lesson then performed the dance.  It was so fun and a great opportunity to get to know some Wyldlife girls a little better and meet some new girls to invite to Wyldlife!