I can't help but share....

...sometimes I can't decide the purpose of this blog.  Why do I write?  To share how God is moving through Young Life Costa Rica, to update those of you who pray for and support the way He's changing lives, to journal my thoughts, to learn...who knows!

But tonite, I can't help but share, so I guess tonite this is my journal.  Because God's teaching me so much, and showing me so much, and bringing clarity to unclear things.  And He's doing that through some pretty AMAZING women.

So first, Katie, who has the amazing privilege of being a mother to 14 children in Africa and work through her organization, Amazima, to bring food, healing and love to an entire community.  She's AMAZING not for what she does...though it's incredible...but for WHO she is and what God is doing in her.  Allow me to quote from her blog (kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com):

"And it hurts from the moment I wake up until the moment my head hits the pillow."  I hear you sister!

"But in the hard I see the healing.  In the mess of it all, I see the redemption."  YES!  Yes, and I want to see it more and more each day!

"One step forward.  Two steps back.  And He doesn't let go.  He doesn't let go...The thing is this is real life and so there is this huge grey area in the middle and that's where we are living."

"He always provides, exactly enough, exactly what is needed.  He asks me to take this next step and I protest, 'but I don't have enough!'  Not enough grace, not enough love, not enough strength, not enough time.  And the widow reminds me to be faithful anyway [1 Kings 17].  Of course I do not have enough! But I have Jesus and He, He is always enough."  I feel that way so many days...I don't have enough energy, I don't have enough patience, I don't have enough love.  God, help me to remember that You are MORE THAN ENOUGH.

"I give Him....hurt that draws us closer."  May I always give HIM my hurt!  BECAUSE...

"In light of eternity, nothing else matters."  Nothing, absolutely nothing, that seems important, or annoying, or painful, or downright unjust matters in light of eternity.

--AND--

"I can trust God.  I look at my life and I see the miracles and because of what I know, I can trust Him for what I don't know.  Because of what I've seen, I can trust Him when I can't see."  I can't see, God.  I can't see the solution to all the hard, hurtful things in my life.  I can't see the end.  I can't see the answers. I can't see a way out.  I can't see an easy day.  I can't see...but because of what I've seen, I can trust Him.

FINALLY...

"When I don't know what else to be, I am thankful."  Oh, that this would be true of me!  Oh, that this would be my attitude each day!  Oh, that I would embrace a lifestyle of thanksgiving!

I've been reading Lamentations 3 a lot lately and I'm struck by this...

"And why would anyone gifted with life, complain when punished by sin." -v. 9  Praying today to embrace God's correction, His teaching, His immense PATIENCE and MERCY in my life.

I've been reading this book called "Dancing on My Ashes:  Learning to love the One who gives and takes away" and it's teaching me so much about loss and healing.  Today, I read:

"When I was wounded, I thought I had to forget my wounds existed so I could heal.  I waited to feel untouched, unhurt, undamaged, and unharmed in any way.  My wounds started to heal, but they left these ugly scars in their place.  I learned that proof of our healing is in our scars.  Jesus carried around proof of His wounds in His nail-scarred hands and sword-pierced side, and because of His scars, I see the significance in my own.  Our scars give us opportunity to remember.  It's not about obsessing over our past, or the opposite, acting as if our wounds never existed; it's about remembering them.  I'm not wounded anymore.  Scarred?  Yes...But these scars represent the promise of healing."

WOW!  It's as if she spoke (or God spoke!) right into my life.  There are scars in my life that I hate.  I want to feel untouched, unhurt, undamaged, unharmed.  But the scars are proof that the wound is healed.  Proof that God truly has touched those places in my life and healed them.  The scar scares me...because it's permanent, or because it reminds me of past pain or mistakes, or because I fear the future...but what a different perspective she has!  I pray that I can view my scars as she does.

And finally, I've been drawn to the book of Job lately.  Through this book, but through other things too.

"He tears me down on every side until I am gone."  Job 19:10

Until I am gone.  I'm learning to find joy in the midst of this process.  I'm learning to find peace in the midst of the pain.  I'm learning that this is God's good, pleasing and perfect will in my life.  And nothing else matters in light of eternity.