There's beauty in the breakdown

...that's a line from an old Dido song.  I don't really care for the song, but there's just something about that line, it's burned into my soul.  I've been seeing some beautiful things in the midst of my own "breakdown" here in Costa Rica.  As the layers are slowly pulled away, and scabs on old scars are scratched until they bleed, there is something beautiful in the rawness underneath.  There's something ugly there too.

You know how some decisions you make and you aren't really sure why, but it just seems to carry some weight.  It could be going to the grocery store at a certain time, or choosing chicken instead of fish.  An everyday decision that comes to carry with it something important, something of consequence.

Last Saturday I had a sleepover with some of the other girls on Vida Joven staff.  It was SO fun!  We watched the first soccer game held in the newly completed national stadium here in Costa Rica, then a very interesting comedy (in Spanish!), and then I was off to bed early because I had decided to skip the morning activities on Sunday to go to church with my friend Sunshine.  We just started going to a new church here in search of the elusive 20-somethings Christian community here.

I'm SO GLAD I chose to go to church last Sunday...to get up early, take a bus from the other side of town to downtown to catch a bus to my side of town to meet my friend and get in a taxi to arrive for the Sunday a.m. service. Why?

Because there's beauty in the breakdown.  There's a problem in our world--a Big One--and it's ruining lives, marriages, families.  It's not new.  It's not specific to a certain culture or gender.  It's a characteristic of the human experience--the breakdown of relationships, the failing of relationships.  Friendships, dating relationships, marriages, families.

I thought it odd that the senior pastor, Ricardo, of the biggest of a chain of churches here called Vida Abundante (Abundant Life) had come to one of the smaller churches in the chain.  (Ricardo is the pastor of Vida Abundante in Coronado and I just started attending Vida Abundante del Este.)  Ricardo was missing being with his congregation of 5,000+ to visit ours of 500+.  He opened with, "Es un dia muy dificil para la iglesia."  It's a very hard day for the church.  Immediately your heart beats quicker, waiting, anticipating the bad news.

The senior pastor, Carlos, of this church I had just started attending had committed a "grave moral error" and had resigned his position.

A grave moral error.  By way of the apologies that followed from Carlos to his family, to the church, one can imagine what the grave moral error was that prompted his daughter to tell him, "You have failed as a man.  But not as a dad."  Broken relationships, broken marriage, broken family, broken church.  Carlos choked his way through the apology then Ricardo returned to give the message.

He spoke of our identity in Christ.  He said we must first have an accurate picture, perception of Christ before we can have an accurate picture, perception of ourselves.  His message was full of truth, full of grace, and full of hope.  Then he played a song with the lyrics, "Saname..."  Cleanse me, heal me.  And then he asked the church to get on their knees before God and ask Him to heal the church, to restore and heal Carlos and his family.

I haven't seen a more beautiful picture of undeserved, unconditional love and true, unrelenting grace in quite some time.  THIS is how the church responds to brokenness, THIS is the BEAUTY of God and redemption and hope for the future.  Tears fell from my eyes as I witnessed brokenness and ashes being turned into and traded for beauty.  

It was a practical and overwhelming representation of what God is doing in MY life.  Of the stories He is putting in front of me of heartache, of tragedy, of unspeakable loss, of overwhelming failure, of the frailty of humanity.  And how in each tear, in each piece of a broken heart, in each shard of glass shattered in anger, God can turn it into something so beautiful, so new, so whole that you have to stand in awe, fall before His feet, and know that it is the most real thing you've ever seen or experienced.

There IS beauty in the breakdown.  There IS hope in tragedy and failure.  There IS comfort for unspeakable pain. And there IS hope for change and a new tomorrow.

"I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, 
the poison I've swallowed. 
I remember it well--oh, how well I remember--
the feeling of hitting the bottom.  
But there's one thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:  
God's loyal love couldn't have run out, 
His merciful love couldn't have dried up.  
They're created new every morning!  How great your faithfulness!  

I'm sticking with God.  (I say it over and over.)  He's all I've got left."

-Lamentations 19-24 (MSG)