I am just bursting at the seams, I have to tell you all (all who read this blog anyway) what God did for me today (and in the last few days). He did it in the middle of my stress, my sickness, my weakness. Today He reminded me just how BIG He is and how much He wants to show me that, to love me, to provide for me, to even spoil me.
Preface: It's a LONG story, but I hope if you stick with me, you will be encouraged by a GREAT BIG God who has the power to move mountains (and much smaller things) and is faithful to provide for our greatest (and tiniest) needs.
My car broke down on Thursday....in the middle of the toll line. It was embarrassing, it was frustrating, it messed up an otherwise calm and tranquil day. Isn't that just life? Coming along and getting in the way of things. We called a tow truck and after some negotiating he dropped me off at a gas station. Then I managed to make it to the mechanic from there. They told me the bad news. It was bad, really bad. Sigh. After dealing with some expensive repairs last October I was feeling a little defeated. Where was the money going to come from? I already had to cancel a lunch meeting, was going to have to cancel English class, and then run like crazy to catch buses I had never taken before to a dangerous neighborhood to be able to make it to leadership/discipleship with the FundaVida youth leaders. Sigh again.
I asked for a couple plastic bags to put "my life" (which resides in my trunk) into to carry 1 kilometer up a steep hill to my house. I walked into my house and the bag broke immediately and papers spilled across the floor.
God Provides #1: The bag broke at home and not walking up the hill :)
I have 10 minutes to change, grab my Bible and book, and run out the door to catch the bus. When I get downtown I have to catch another bus but have 15 minutes to grab dinner.
God Provides #2: Grabbed amazing bread filled with ham and cheese and another with apples and caramel at one of my favorite bakeries that I hardly ever get the chance to go to!
When I get to the bus stop I bump into one of the youth leaders and it's a fresh face in an otherwise busy and loud downtown, I hop on the bus and a very nice guy helps me figure out where to get off at to make it to club.
God Provides #3: I arrive on time, calm, and without getting robbed.
After teen club one of my best friends here who also volunteers with FundaVida offers to go to the complete opposite side of town from where he lives to give me a ride home.
We stop by Subway and have a great conversation and he buys my dinner = God Provides #4.
Then next day I rush around on buses and walking kilometers to be able to go to the gym, the mechanic (2 times), and the bank (including a guy yelling at me taking too long in the ATM). The mechanic tells me it is going to cost DOUBLE the already high number he estimated to me the day before for the repairs. I'm stressed. I'm tired. I'm stinky. And I'm feeling very humbled.
God Provides #5: In the conversation mentioned in #4 I told my friend I really needed to get two things in order to be more secure in my life in Costa Rica--one being health insurance--at the bank (waiting 45 minutes in line), a guy comes up selling health insurance. Coincidence? I think not!
Then comes bus trip #2 to a dangerous neighborhood, but an amazing and totally worth it teen club. I didn't want to go, I'll be honest. And with everything that had happened in those two days, I don't think many would have blamed me for taking the night off (my mom was certainly suggesting it :) But EVERY SINGLE DAY kids and parents and families in the neighborhoods I work with deal with this yucky life stuff X1000. If they can do it, I can do it. I'm learning that--I'm stronger than I was before for having seen their resilience in the face of challenges and struggles that we have only seen in movies and on TV shows.
They're changing me = God Provides #6 (I need changing :)
After teen club (and against the advice of said friend in #4), I walk to the bus stop to wait for the bus in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Costa Rica at 10 p.m. at night. I know, I'm crazy, but I really didn't feel unsafe and I have learned a lot of street smarts here. Not 5 minutes pass by and another friend who used to volunteer with FundaVida pulls up and asks what in the world I'm doing. I reply, waiting for the bus. He says, "Give me 5 minutes, I'll be right back."
He runs his errand then returns to drive me (again, very out of his way) home = God Provides #7.
Are you catching the trend here? Are you seeing what God is up to?
Saturday morning, I'm exhausted. Tuesday-Thursday are my busiest days of the week--leaving the house around 8 a.m. and getting back home around 10 p.m. Add to the stress of the car, running errands that take 3x longer, traveling to dangerous neighborhoods on buses for the first time, and wondering where in the world I am going to find the $$ for the car repairs. So when Saturday comes, I'm a little wary. My roommate Amanda and I had planned for a month a girls' day--getting our hair done and massages (which we got at drastically reduced rates even for already low Costa Rica costs for these two things!) But it is going to involve lots of walking, lots of buses, and hoping to arrive on time. And how did I wake up? With a horrible stomachache. Some of you know I struggle with stomach issues that can be related to food, but almost certainly related to stress. And even though I had handled the events of the last two days fairly calmly (for me at least!) my body had other ideas. How was I going to walk and bus all over the west side of San Jose without a bathroom close by?!
By the time the afternoon came, I was downright cranky. My ability to see the bright side of things was gone. I needed God. And He showed up--AGAIN! I was complaining to Amanda about the oil the masseuse got in my freshly cleaned and styled hair when we rounded the corner to see--A GRANIZADO CART! I LOVE granizados. They are Costa Rica's version of a snow cone--only better!
God Provides #8=A grape granizado and Amanda commenting--"God gave that to you."
For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his
eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from
what has been made, so
that people are without excuse. -Romans 1:20
God can speak to us in a snow cone.
I got to church late that evening with my stomach killing me. (Perhaps because the granizado is the only thing I had managed to eat all day). I popped a few pills to calm it down and sat down for the rest of the service. A little distracted and still in a lot of pain, I talked with a friend after who filled me in a little more on the details of a tragedy a mutual friend is going through. There was a car crash in the Dominican Republic and a Young Life staff person, leader and kid were in the car. The staff, my age or younger, was killed. The leader and kid critically injured. A life lost, a family devastated, a community shook, and no one will ever be the same. Chills swept down my spine. A $1,000 car repair bill, stress of logistics, and even a crippling stomachache--nothing--nothing in comparison. God Provides #9--Perspective. We all need it from time to time. We need to remember that someone else is suffering worse. Our problems can seem small in comparison to theirs, and not to say that they are insignificant, but this realization helps us go forward and it teaches us grace, patience and compassion.
(I would name keeping a full meal down finally at 9 p.m. at night as God providing but I woke up in the bathroom this morning :/).
A little discouraged by the lingering stomachache (looks like I'm gonna be in this cycle for a few days, but hey, I've been trying to shed some pounds anyway :), I was not terribly happy when I had to confront a conflict at home. We are human and we live with humans and sometimes that equals conflict. But it's never easy or fun.
In the middle of it, a friend calls saying they would like to stop by to share with me a Bible verse. They arrive in the middle of repairing some miscommunication, in which I realize that behind the lack of communication and courtesy is a story. There's always a story. Not an excuse, but a reason, an explanation, and an opportunity for me to be gracious. I run out to meet my friend, and they hand me an envelope saying God wanted them to share it with me. I open the enveloping walking inside. I stop dead in my tracks. The envelope contained not a Bible verse written on paper but inscribed in a large quantity of money. Tears immediately spring to my eyes. The generosity, the selflessness, the thoughtfulness, the obedience to God's call to be part of the story. It's overwhelming.
It's overwhelming isn't it? When we find ourselves right smack dab in the middle of God moving. Like in a natural whirlpool with the water swirling around us and not seeing the source of its wonder but feeling it, knowing without a shadow of a doubt it is there, and it is powerful--more powerful than anything else around us. That's God's love. That's His provision. That's the TRUTH, bigger than anything else I know. God Provides #10--Himself. Yes, there was money, but that wasn't the miracle--the miracle is that He stepped into my world, into my day, into my weakness because He's chosen to love me when I'm unloveable, be my strength when I am weak, and provide what I lack.
IT GETS BETTER! How, you ask? I'm going to tell you :)
Above are my first thoughts, my immediate second...almost a whisper in my ear: Give it to her. Give it away. It's not yours, it's MINE and I want to use it and you. What?!! But God, you just provided for me? You just gave me two loaves of bread and some fish. I was going to eat! (Or at least pay part of my car repair bill :)
I walk inside, I walk up to the person who I wanted to shake to their senses a few minutes ago, a person who has been a best friend to me, who has hurt me, who has tested my patience more than almost any other relationship, who I fight with, who I cry with, who just told me a story about how she is overwhelmed right now (sick family members in the hospital, an impending move, and lots of financial problems)--and I hand her the envelope. I told her this is from God. There are no coincidences with Him. And HE wanted you to have it, so you would know He sees you, He hears you, He's with you and He loves you more than you can know.
The money had been in my possession for less than 5 minutes. But it was never mine. It was never even my friend's who gave it to me. It was and is God's.
The heavens are yours, and yours also the earth;
you founded the world and all that is in it.
-Psalm 89:11
You are not your own;
you were bought at a price. -1 Corinthians 6:19b-20a
God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:19
God Provides #11--Reminding me that I am not my own. Everything is His, including me, my hopes, my dreams, my future. And He will more than provide.
The way you say "it is worth it" in Spanish is "vale la pena." Pena literally means a feeling of pain, suffering, or sadness; and often times is used to describe embarrassment. To me, it's a richer definition. It's worth it--it's worth the pain, suffering, sadness or even embarrassment--to humble ourselves, to give of ourselves, to give of our possessions, to allow God to use us in whatever way He sees fit, whenever, wherever so that someone can experience His love, His grace, and His provision.
So very many of you reading this blog have done that for me, have been that living, in the flesh example of His love, grace, and provision to me. It reminds me of my very first mission trip to serve on a Native American reservation the summer after my freshman year in college. The deadline to sign up for the trip was days away and I still needed $200. I walked back to my dorm room to find an envelope with $200 inside with a note that said:
This is the way money is with God.
I've never forgotten it and I never will. I probably wouldn't be here today if I'd never gone on that first mission trip. If God hadn't planted the seed in my heart, the desire to know other places, and cultures, and to share Him with them. And I know I certainly wouldn't be here if it weren't for the sacrifices (financial and otherwise) that people in my life have made to physically get me here and maintain me here, and emotionally and spiritually to teach me and help me grow.
This is the way money is with God. This is the way life is with God.
It's full, it's abundant. It's more than we could ever ask or imagine. And it's hard, and it's challenging, and we want to give up sometimes. But oh, is it worth it--vale la pena--always!
