Facing the ugly stuff

Disclaimer:  Hang in there, it's a long one.  But a good one.

There are a million things I want to share with you at the moment!  (In particular, a recent hike up a mountain...yes, I, Ali Campbell, hiked a mountain :)  But I feel compelled first to share with you something I was reading this morning.  Well, a few things I was reading this morning.  

First, my old trusty, My Utmost For His Highest.  To read today's words of wisdom, go here:  http://utmost.org/.  Today's verse is:

Arise and eat.  -1 Kings 19:5

I found this rather comical because Oswald was talking about seasons of depression today.  No one has to order me to "arise and eat" when I'm depressed...in fact, I excel at it!  The past two weeks I've managed to polish off a medium-sized bag of Peanut M & Ms, a slightly smaller bag of Sour Patch Kids, macaroni & cheese, pizza, and countless Oreos.  It's been Round 2 of rough times in Costa Rica and Round 2 of junk-food/Dawson's Creek escapism.  

Oswald's words were comforting this morning because he reminded me that depression (or sadness, loss, etc.) are part of the human experience.  He writes, "If human beings were not capable of depression, we would have no capacity for happiness and exaltation." Thank goodness!  Has anyone out there ever felt alone in the fight against discouragement, sadness or depression?  It's good to know (1) I'm not alone, and (2) If it weren't for my capacity to feel depressed, I'd also never feel happiness.

Oswald goes on to say something incredible:

When the Spirit of God comes to us, He does not give us glorious visions, but He tells us to do the most ordinary things imaginable. Depression tends to turn us away from the everyday things of God’s creation. But whenever God steps in, His inspiration is to do the most natural, simple things-things we would never have imagined God was in, but as we do them we find Him there.

I don't believe he was telling me to feast on Oreos, but how true is it that when we face a season of depression it is the simple, every-day things where we find God.  For me, I've been finding God each and every time I make the slightest step toward Him.  When I say, God, I can't get through today and more than that I don't want to.  Just for talking to Him, just for sharing my thoughts and feelings, He always surprises me with something sweet--a free sucker at the little store at my school, a message from a YL/WL kid or friend on Facebook, my host mom cooking my favorite dinner, whatever.  AND I SEE HIM IN IT!  These are not coincidences, but God saying...keeping going, one foot in front of the other, just keeping walking toward Me.  

Okay, next I read a sweet devotion by Joni Eareckson Tada called Pearls of Great Price.  Today's devotion is based on 2 Corinthians 12:8-9, which says:

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

She was talking about hardships that hang on, hardships that never go away...no matter how much we pray and plead for God to take them away or heal us.  I've been struggling with some personal weakness lately and wondering why God won't take them away.  I certainly would be able to follow Him better, reflect His goodness and grace better, and share His life and joy with kids better if He would just TAKE THEM AWAY!  Ever tried to barter with God?  Then get frustrated and just yell at him?  Then resign yourself to pleading and begging and crying, just to revisit anger again?

If you don't know anything about Joni Earekson Tada, she suffered a spinal cord injury as a teenager that left her paralyzed in a wheelchair.  I've just read one biography of hers, but from what I gather, she struggled for months and years to come to grips with the fact that she would never walk again, that this was a hardship God wasn't going to remove from her life.  She writes:

The core of God's plan is to rescue us from sin and self-centeredness.  Suffering--especially the chronic kind--is God's choicest tool to accomplish this.  It is a long process.  But it means I can accept my paralysis as a chronic condition.  When I broke my neck, it wasn't a jigsaw puzzle I had to solve fast or a quick jolt to get me back on track.  My paralyzing accident was the beginning of a lengthy process of becoming like Christ.

How easy I forget that learning Spanish, adjusting to Costa Rican culture, making friends in a new community, building relationships with kids and ministry opportunities, and especially, becoming more and more like Christ is a LONG PROCESS.  Jeesh, I've been here 6 months, you'd think I'd have it figured out already!  My own personal struggles/weaknesses and the evil one's voice whisper in my ear:  "You aren't good enough.  You'll never be as good as so-and-so.  You'll keep failing, you'll never be perfect.  It will always be this hard.  Nothing you are doing is making a difference.  It would be better if you left, or if you'd never come.  You disappoint everyone around you, and most of all, God."

What lies!  What awful lies we listen to and we tell ourselves.  The truth is that God meets us where we are, but doesn't leave us there:

And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.  -2 Corinthians 3:18 (MSG)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  -James 1:2-4 (NIV)

Finally, the inspired, and dare I say brilliant, lyrics of Derek Webb from his second album, I See Things Upside Down, and third album, Mockingbird.

"Cause it's been one of those kinds of days, and I feel so out of place...and the whole world is on my case...and I hate everything, everything.  I hate everything, but You."  -I Hate Everything (But You), 

Mockingbird

"Don't paint my face, I need to see the scars so i don't forget, the back of my tutor's arm...I don’t want medication, just give me liberation even if it cuts my legs right out from underneath...I want the real sensation, even when living feels just like death to me."  -Medication, I See Things Upside Down

Today, may you hear wisdom in people like Oswald Chambers and Joni Earekson Tada, truth instead of lies, great and inspiring music...and that you are a work in progress, like me, like everyone.  And in the midst of the struggle, arise and eat (maybe just not a whole bag of peanut M & Ms :)